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- Written by Don Francis
- Published on November 4, 2007
- Hits: 1427
Its been a long past couple of weeks. I feel like Bill Murray on "Groundhog Day" where he finally sees snow on the ground after a very long day.
Let see, three weeks ago I blew out our vans automatic trasmission but managed to nurse it onto the Autzen lot for the Washington State game. (Autzen Season Seat License: $250; Auzten Season Ticket: $250; Autzen Experience: Priceless; Oh and Plymouth Voyager Transmission Rebuild $2500). Last week we left all of the tailgater food we'd prepared on our street as we drove off at 6am for the USC game. This weekend I gave up my Arizona State ticket and made a grievous mistake in doing so.
I'm finally at home and watching Monday Night Football cheering on "Big Ben," whom I thought it would be smart to bench in my fantasy league for some horrible reason, and watching a Steeler Tribute. I can't help but thinking that Gabe Kaplan adding weight and wearing platform shoes is a shoe-in for Franco Harris (does the "Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" ring any bells?) and looking at Terry Bradshaw and wondering if maybe Robert Duvall packed on 75 pounds if he could play the role. I really think Mike Tomlin should he ever hit it big could be played by Omar Epps. Again in elevator shoes.
Then my mind slowly rolls back in time to this weekend with good old Lee Corso. If I had the money of Bill Gates, I'd send Lee packing for a week off and put Mel Brooks on Game Day for just one weekend to sit in and put on a corny head. Mel knows football like I know nuclear physics so it would be hilarious watching the Jedi Knight himself..."Kirk Herbstreit" trying to relate to Mel.
I'm one big SNOB. You know, Sonofa Native Oregon Born. Ducks first and because of years of inbreeding will cheer on and attend Beaver games second. First off, the Beaver Dam (Reser Stadium) is a very cool place for college football now. The sea of orange has a higher 'per capita' than the sea of yellow and the "Big Screen" at Reser makes Autzen's look like "Mini-Me." Aside from the one bizarre season where Oregon and Oregon State played at Reser in 2001, it has always seemed that the two teams are always moving in opposite directions that intersect mid-season.
Last year the Ducks were white hot early and the Beavers ended the season white hot. The Beavers started out as cold as a your favorite adult bevarage at the bottom of an ice chest while the Ducks ended up in Vegas playing as well as Danny DeVito in an NBA finals. I still think the Beav's are going to win some games and go bowling but this appears to be the Ducks year. I am worried about Arizona though. There is something in my DNA strand that says "The Brothers Stoops" eminate from 'The Dark Side.' I honestly believe that as a small child I would have shrieked if you'd come to the door in a Mike or Bob Stoops Mask. I went to the Arizona game at Autzen last year.
By the third quarter I was as depressed as I'd ever been in my life. The last thing I remember was sitting in the van late in the third quarter eating a box of mothballs I was so despondent on the teams toilet spiral. There is something I really disdain about both Arizona and Oklahoma. My therpaist has said because I need a surrogate "Darth Vadar" in my life and after Rick Neihuesel left, I'd had a void in my life and the "Brothers Stoops" have helped fill the void. I can still recall hearing Mike Stoops after Arizona had shatterred Kellen Clemens ankle saying 'Resisting the Darkside is futile." I can no longer go to "Bob's Big Boy Hamburger Stands' because all I see is Mike Stoops staring at me. Still to this day I believe that Gordon Riese is the Patron Saint of Oregon Football Fans and should be enshrined in the Duck Hall of Fame for stopping Evil from entering into and conquering Autzen Stadium and possessing our spirits for eternal damnation.
That said, my two daughters just returned from their grueling three hours of running at the offical 'First Basketball Practice.' As much as I love my college football, girls high school basketball trumps that. My therapist has said she doesn't even want to unlock that little compartment of my brain. Still, I approach this last year with some melancholy. It wasn't all that long ago I watched an aggressive, mean little third grader terrorize and dominate her fellow classmates.
Naturally shy by nature, she'd trot out onto a basketball court and change into a part Joan Crawford part Xena Princess Warrior. Fearless and mean and demanding. Everything she wasn't as home. Now she will walk out onto her high school floor for her last year. Just last year she was a third grader it seemed. For a parent, it just didn't get any better than this. Then again, life is about being a Ying and a Yang. Just ask Oregon and Oregon State. All Beav's and Ducks have to do is rewind 25 years. Things aren't as bad as they seem. The snow on the ground indicates a fresh start and a new beginning.