An eerie sight unfolds this Saturday when untold tens of thousands of zombies will stream up and down I-5 calling out "Brrrrrayynnnnns." Some zombies (known as the "I am Orange Zombies") will veer off onto Route 34 and head west to Reser Vault (It used to be a Crypt but not any longer) in hopes of feasting on Little Ricky and his little teddy bears. I've been a card carrying member of the Autzen Zombie cadre for now what seems an eternity. For we are a highly trained unit of living dead who's howls have horrified many an opposing quarterback and had coaches lament the terrifying cachophony of shrieks and wailing have spawned night terrors for which there is no cure. On Saturday at sunset, the holiest of collegiate craniums will be observed in the sacrificial "O" chamber. The golden fleece of brains. Tucked beneath a sea of enviable waves of silver coiffed good looks, lies the most coveted brain for any Autzen Zombie in all of college football. Bring us the brains of Pete Carroll. Those Autzen Zombies sitting in the west endzone are encouraged to go after the Trojan band to silence the incessant bleating of their 'first down dirge' which I have come to loathe.

Really an interesting piece by George Schroeder of the Eugene Register-Guard last week doing a "15 Hours of Chip Kelly." Schroeder kept a running entry highlighting a typical day for Kelly and some amusing quirks and insights were given on the new CEO of Gridiron Canardism. As someone who grew up in a drive-in theatre, my first job as a child was picking up interesting trash by day and walking around with a flashlight looking for 'bad people' at night, I was pleased to see Kelly is a movie freak who enjoys quoting one-liners. It seemed fitting that Kelly was quoting from one of Ron Howard's very first movie's "Night Shift" with Michael Keaton and Henry Winkler.

Let me say this on "Nightshift" if you've never seen it. A really underrated movie with some clever dialogue and the play between Keaton, Winkler and Shelly Long 'tttthparkles!" Early in the morning, Kelly uses a phrase "Feed the tuna mayonnaise" which was the brainchild of Billy Blazejowski, an idea man played by Keaton, who figures to expedite the lengthy process of making a better tunafish sandwhich, a better solution would be to feed the tuna mayonnaise in the first place. As a diligent time clock micromanager, this is just the quote someone like Kelly would no doubt embrace and has.

In a nutshell, Blazejowski and Chuck Lumley (played by Winkler) both work in a city morgue on the "Night Shift." Dead end jobs you might say with pun intended and both aspire to make better money when Blazejowski decides they can run a brothel in the morgue and rather than 'pimps' they take on the moniker "Love Brokers." Lumley is more quiet and reserved with a good eye for numbers and a detailed oriented guy (*hmm, Chip anyone?) with a penchant for Belinda Keaton, played by Long. It was midway through reading Schroeder's piece when I realized that Chip Kelly is Chuck Lumley and Nick Alliotti is Billy Blazejowski. Somewhat polar opposites that attract and actually make a good team. Nobody in their wildest dreams envisioned Alliotti assembling a defense this season that has fans gushing as much if not more on the Duck defense than their offensive counterparts. Anybody that has ever had a few minutes with Alliotti knows what a passionate and exciteable Paisano he is. (Lilli Von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles would call him him a "Nicethhh Guy")  Still nobody saw this one coming but Kelly, like Lumley, instills such tremendous confidence in everyone around him, it just seems to work. Some will say 'you are what you eat' but I've always believed 'you are what you watch.'  And as Chauncy Gardner (Peter Sellers) once lamented to a randy Eve Rand (Shirley MaClaine)..."I like to watch." Sure hope this Zombie staggers out of Autzen under a moonlit night with a smile and a "ummmmmmmm .....brainnnnnnnnnsss!"