As most of Oregon’s Class 4A schools have finally begun League play, yours truly takes a look at each of the league’s playoff races, chimes on finally seeing the remake of a classic football film, and wonders what in the world pop star Pink has to do with the NFL.

Oh, and there just might be a little surprise at the end.

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10. Football Night in America stinks
Can someone please tell me what Pink is doing singing the theme song for the lead-in to our Sunday Night NFL games? She’s about as “football” as I am the next American Idol. But to rip off a Joan Jett song is a form of sacrilege in my book.

It’s a horrible way for NBC to cap off an already horrible pregame show. I realize that selling every aspect of your show is great for revenues, but they have something like five different “Play of the Day” segments alone which are sponsored by different companies. It seems like so many portions of the show are sponsored, I expect to tune in this week and find the “Kleenex Costas Nose Pick of the Day.”

NBC’s pregame coverage after being out of the NFL for so many years is like the very, very short man buying the largest truck he can find. They’re overcompensating, without really having a product to show for it.

The changes in the NFL’s television contracts are also bothersome to me in that we’ve really lost the best Sunday highlights show there was in ESPN’s NFL Prime Time. It’s now the “Blitz,” scattered throughout SportsCenter broadcasts and interrupted by golf, NASCAR and major league baseball among other things. I watch because I want football, not so I can have my football interrupted by the Floyd Landis doping scandal or the latest rumor-turned-fact surrounding the New York Yankees.

Oh well, at least with Sunday Night football, we don’t have to listen to Paul McGuire anymore. His “commentary” really started to make me miss Dennis Miller on Monday nights.

9. How "Stone Cold" didn’t wet his pants, I’ll never know.
Sunday night, for the first time, I watched “The Longest Yard,” the remake of the 1974 classic starring Burt Reynolds.

You know the premise of the story, where a pro football star goes to prison for shaving points, then is instructed to build a football team of convicts to play an exhibition against the guards.

Even though I knew the storyline, I found it very interesting to see some familiar faces involved, most notably current and former professional wrestlers “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Kevin “Big Sexy” Nash, Bill Goldberg and the WWE’s newest sensation -- and probably the largest human ever to call India home -- the 7-foot-3, 420-pound Dalip Singh, also known today as “The Great Khali” of WWE fame.

Particularly, though, I enjoyed the on-screen interaction of Nash and Austin, who both are guards at the prison. Both regarded as the supreme bad-asses during their days in the ring, I found myself wondering what it must have been like on set when the cameras were off.

You see, Nash’s character in the movie gets double-crossed by the convicts when they empty his bottle of anabolic steroids and refill it with estrogen pills.

Without notice, Nash continues to pop, and we start seeing his character “go through the change” in the week leading up to the game.

But the on-camera scenes with Austin when Nash’s character breaks down crying, or complains of having sore nipples, or one of the many other issues he begins to face as a result of the female hormone overdose, I wondered how many times they had to film those without Austin completely falling apart with laughter. Further, how many times before Nash got through the scenes with a straight face.

After watching those two for years — Nash joined at Hulk Hogan’s hip as a member of the WCW’s New World Order, and Austin as the beer-swillin’ “Texas Rattlesnake” — it was entertaining to see what they might be like once they let their hair down.

8. Playoff race: Cowapa League
As I see things through one league game, the title is Scappoose’s to lose. Technically, that’s true of the two-time defending league champs. But the next two games will be a major deciding factor as the Indians visit Seaside this week and host Astoria next week for homecoming.

Scappoose — with the triplets of QB Justin Engstrom, RB T.J. Crane and WR Weston Powers — appears to have the most balanced of the offenses among the six teams in the league. Engstrom’s numbers might not be as off-the-chart as new league rival Zach Anderson at Yamhill-Carlton, but that’s in part because Crane is on a current pace to break the school’s single-season rushing record.

Crane drew a little “pub” in Wednesday’s Oregonian, while Powers may still be the best player a lot of people haven’t heard of. With 43 receptions through six games, he’s on a pace to shatter the Indians’ single-season mark of 70, set by Brett Maloy during his senior season catching balls from Derek Anderson. If the Indians manage a 13-game season, Powers would be on pace for 91 receptions and 845 yards. By contrast, Dan Klobes last season caught just 60 balls, but gained 960 yards. Not bad for a kid playing his first year of high school football.

My pick for the No. 2 spot entering the league season was not YC, but rather Astoria. With a solid 1-2 punch on offense with RB Andy Murray and QB Jordan Poyer, the Fishermen weren’t hurting for the ability to run the ball. But I am concerned now about the injury to Murray, how serious it is, and if he does have to miss time, will it be too much for the Fishermen to overcome?

No. 3 I see as a toss-up between Seaside and Yamhill-Carlton. But at this point I would be inclined to lean toward Seaside. This will draw flack from YC fans, but allow me to explain.

Seaside has by my estimation the best all-around athlete in the league in RB Dennis Olstedt, and a great compliment in big running back Joe DeNotta. The Seagulls have some decent size up front as well, which allows the ‘Gulls to do a lot of damage on the ground. Conversely, the ‘Gulls haven’t exactly gotten lit up defensively, allowing a season-high 21 points twice on their way to a 4-2 record. They have shown the ability to stop the run in their past two games after getting gutted by Newport, and held Astoria to just 87 rushing yards last Friday.

However, they also allowed Astoria 178 yards through the air, which I would think translates to a 300-yard-plus night against a stronger passing team, which leads us to Yamhill-Carlton.

The Tigers appear to have struggled in their win over Banks, but those struggles were of their own doing. I still wonder, though, how lethal that Y-C passing attack is going to be against teams with strong -- or at least decent -- defensive secondaries. Astoria and Scappoose have strong players on the back of the defense. Seaside has some strength in the secondary, but will tend to cover the pass more by bringing intense pressure up front.

I believe the YC defense is going to yield an average of 20-30 points against the other three Cowapa contenders. And, despite their red-hot start to the season, I’m not sure if the Tigers can counter that production often enough to get the necessary three victories to reach the playoffs.

I told Astoria sports radio host Matt Richert in an interview last week that I thought instead of playing for a league title, I thought YC was going to find itself playing for its own playoff survival when it hosts Scappoose Nov. 3. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I’m going that far out on the limb.

Tillamook showed a lot of heart in Friday’s loss at Scappoose, but is hurting for depth, which will be costly against the league’s upper-echelon teams.
Banks, meanwhile, is in the middle of a rebuild, but should return to title contender status by next fall.

7. Playoff race: Capital Conference
This week will probably decide the order of representation of the three Capital qualifiers, unless Cascade is able make a last-ditch drive for the No. 3 spot.

I like Molalla as the No. 1 seed with their passing attack led by Josh Haqq, who is putting up all-state numbers.

The winner of this week’s game between La Salle and Gladstone gets the No. 2 spot and the loser fights Cascade and, maybe, North Marion for the No. 3 seed.

This game with the Glads and Falcons is going to look like a track meet between Nagel and Aldridge, and my gut is telling me Gladstone has the defense to get the job done. But, La Salle is more “battle tested” and, in my opinion, should win this game and coast to the No. 2 seed as they finish conference play with Estacada and a “suspect” North Marion squad.

6. Playoff race: Far West League
Let’s get this out of the way quickly: Siuslaw is the best team in this league, no questions asked. We’ll probably get to find out of they’re the best team in the state, as well.

Now, for Nos. 2-3.

The No. 2 seed will probably be Sutherlin in my mind. I like the talent they have back from last season and, even if he’s not putting up game-breaking numbers, quarterback Dane Gilman is a game-breaking player cut from the Michael Vick mold. The emergence of Lee Becker at running back will only go to help the Bulldogs solidify that No. 2 spot.

No. 3, though could get interesting between North Bend, Brookings and Douglas. Douglas has the defense to contend, but the offense is still quite a ways behind. North Bend’s win over Phoenix is about the only thing that has me thinking they’re of playoff caliber, while Brookings really hasn’t done anything to raise my eyebrows.

These two play Thursday in Brookings, but I don’t think home field will be of much help, and the Brown Bulldogs take the inside track to the No. 3 seed.

5. Playoff race: Val-Co

Newport is the best team in this league, even if it did take the Cubs two weeks to establish themselves.

The No. 2 seed is up for grabs between Central and Philomath -- yes, Philomath -- and even though Central is young, they still have enough playmakers to overtake an equally young team of Warriors. That No. 2 seed will likely be decided Oct. 27 at Central.

Sweet Home is struggling far too much for me to think they’re a playoff qualifier this year, and let’s face it, Taft is awful.

4. Playoff race: Sky-Em League
I have a feeling that this league has already declared its top three teams and that those three did not change one bit from the preseason speculation.

With a healthy Brandon Jackson, the Marist Spartans are still the No. 1 team in the state in my mind. But the speedy Cory McCaffrey and his Sisters Outlaws will try to find a way to slow down the Jack Attack Thursday night in Sisters.

I haven’t seen Sisters’ defense play, but if they are like any other Bob Macauley-coached defense, they’ll be clinging to Jackson like flies on ... well, flypaper, of course.

The question is whether McCaffrey can get free to do enough damage against what has been a pretty strong Marist defense.

Too close to call, but the winner is obviously the No. 1 seed and loser No. 2.
Cottage Grove, of course, is going to be the No. 3 seed. I thought Pleasant Hill or Junction City might have posed a challenge earlier this year, but the Lions have sufficiently trucked both of those teams, so I don’t imagine the likes of La Pine or Elmira putting up much of a fight.

3a. Playoff race: Skyline Conference
To be completely honest, I really liked Illinois Valley’s chances to win this league outright before they lost one of the league’s best running backs for the season in Larry Ragsdale.

Hidden Valley, without that minor “hiccup” against Del Norte, would be undefeated and considered among the best teams in the state. The Mustangs may still be among the best, with probably the second-best “player you never hear about” in quarterback L.B. Draper.

I’m not sure if I.V. can keep pace with the likes of North Valley and Phoenix for the next four games without Ragsdale, although his absence may provide an emotional lift that doesn’t show up on paper.

Not knowing how the Cougs will respond, I gotta go with North Valley and their traditionally strong defense as the No. 2 seed.

For the No. 3 seed, I’m going with my statewide playoff sleeper and saying that Henley (despite starting out 0-3 in league after losing to North Valley this Friday night) will run the table over the final three weeks -- including an Oct. 27 win over Phoenix -- and steal the No. 3 seed.

3b. GOL = sudden death playoff
Since these guys don’t open league play until next week, I’m leaving them off of this week’s list. You guessed it: more disrespect for the east side.

2. Is NWOC making 5A look a little lopsided?
I believe it was “cipole” who called the new 5A Northwest Oregon Conference the poster child for the OSAA’s reclassification and realignment.
This new league is the epitome of the reasoning for the whole process, with five teams ranked in the top 10 and four still in the running for the conference title.

How will it realistically turn out? Who really knows? But what I do know is this: of the five teams in this week’s top-10, three of them — Glencoe, Hillsboro and St. Helens — spent the better part of this millenium getting their brains bashed in as members of two of the former 4A’s strongest leagues. With a leveled playing field, now these guys are not only playoff contenders, they have the chance to make some serious noise in those playoffs.

1. Eagles fans: the NFL’s version of the “Cameron Crazies”?
I couldn’t wait. T.O. back in Philadelphia after the one-man wrecking crew was kicked off the Eagles halfway through last season.

I couldn’t wait, because I knew what Eagles fans might have in store, but the imagination is never sufficient enough.

Prescription pill bottles, singing the traditional soccer chant “Ole Ole Ole” and turning it into “O-Deeeee, O-D-O-D-O-D-O Deeee” in response to T.O.’s “accidental drug overdose/suicide attempt,” and hoisting signs hinting he needed to try harder (to off himself).

It sort of reminded me of the Duke University basketball students’ section at Cameron Indoor. You remember, the same group that once threw empty pizza delivery boxes at an opposing player because he had been accused of robbing a driver earlier in the season.

It was clear the fans got inside Owens’ head, even if he won’t admit it. What was even more interesting is that even though he knew what was his reception would be from the fans, I think he also knew that he was a marked man on the field. Thus, on his one attempt at a catch over the middle, he “alligator-armed” a ball so badly it was a flashback to the days of Ricky Watters: “Gimme the ball, damnit. Just don’t do it over the middle.” Of course in Owens’ case, it didn’t help that he looked away at the last second to see a green helmet with silver wings barreling directly toward his breadbasket.

But he’s right: his poor performances are all the fault of his quarterback. Anyone else remember when he was just "Terrell Owens," a second-tier receiver opposite Jerry Rice and catching passes from Steve Young. He had one great game (the playoff win over Green Bay), shortened his name to two letters and has spent the next 5 years bitching to whoever will listen.

Thankfully, most of us have quit listening.

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So how many of you read this week’s with the hopes of getting another reward for your eyes? Show of hands?

Well, since I know at least a few of you sprained your tongues last week -- but now have VERY clean monitors -- here’s just a little treat to keep your view dust free for another 7 days.

Have a great week.