Our resident smart aleck looks at clearing Class 5A and 4A playoff pictures, and finds yet another way the "new parent" is excusing our youth of getting exercise.

10. 5A Watch: starting to sort self out?

Coming into the 2006 football season, my first thought was that the most difficult of the new classifications to get a bead on was going to be Class 5A. It, like the new 2A, was for the most part a brand new entity. But unlike Class 2A, the new 5A division didn’t have “proven” winners dropping from their former 4A classification as far as football was concerned, whereas some of the powers from the former 2A division remained 2A.

The new 5A was to consist of smaller 4A schools who failed to cut the mustard on the football field, combining with a handful of former 3A schools, only two of which had any real recent tradition of success.

So, this new melting pot was formed and, surely to the shagrin of several of the larger schools, it remains that those two former 3A schools – Wilsonville and Sherwood – are proving they haven’t lost a step with the move “up” in classification.

While West Albany is the consensus “class” of the new 5A according to pollsters, Wilsonville and Sherwood are not far behind, and will settle their little neighborhood dispute next week at Randall Stadium in the 'Ville.

The NWOC has clearly established itself as cream the of the 5A division. There are six teams who -- when healthy -- are all pretty decent ballclubs. But it's also beginning to become very clear which teams are the contenders and pretenders. Wilsonville, Sherwood and Hillsboro are all teams who could advance deep into the Class 5A playoffs. The fourth spot, however, appears to be between St. Helens and Glencoe, while Liberty could mathematically work its way into a three-way tie for that spot. Either way, don't expect too much from the NWOC No. 4 regardless of who they get paired with in the bracket.

But as for the rest of the state, it honestly looks like a five-team race. West Albany has firmly established itself as the team to beat, although Sherwood isn't that far behind. Crater is on the outside looking in for a semifinal berth -- yes, I'm talking about semifinals -- and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised that three NWOC teams make the final four, much like the GOL of the past decade has done a couple of times.

It took seven weeks, which I think many of us believed it would, but the new 5A classification is beginning to take shape. And, just when it finally does, we'll be off to a whole new set of sports and another adventure in preseason confusion.

9. Last thoughts: Sisters-Marist

I wanted to go to this game. Badly. With a night off, it would have been great to make the drive up the hill to see two of the best teams in Class 4A butt heads. After hearing the news Thursday night -- while enjoying a rare night off -- I wish I had just for the chance to see the Outlaws' Cory McCaffrey. On paper, this guy is a one-man wrecking crew, but I've yet to read an article he hasn't been quoted as crediting his offensive linemen first and foremost. In the NFL, the running backs buy their linemen dinner after a 100-yard game. What's the going rate for a 400-yard game? Well, as giving gifts to high school athletes would be illegal, I wouldn't be surprised to see McCaffrey doing a lot of laundry this week.

8. Topsy-turvy Skyline

In an internet forum post last week, I posed the question: "Can the Cougs overcome a big loss in the backfield and upend the Mustangs? Can the Hornets find the cracks in the brick wall North Valley calls a defense?"

As I scoured the results Friday night, I felt a little creeped out at that Nostradamus-like innocence.

With those upsets -- Illinois Valley beat Hidden Valley 14-7 and Henley blanked the Knights 24-0 -- the Skyline has turned into a five-man free-for-all. Phoenix leads the way, but just how far behind the Pirates are the four teams mentioned above, who all are now 1-1 in league play?

With Hidden Valley likely to do the Riverdance on Rogue River, we can count on the playoff picture getting further muddled as Phoenix visits North Valley and Illinois Valley heads to Henley.

Even though the GOL starts this week, the Skyline may end up being the most exciting playoff race that not many people are talking about.

My guess as to how it plays out? Hidden Valley, Henley and Phoenix, in that order.

7. Defining week in Cowapa

When I was writing in Ontario, there was a three-week stretch of games I used to call the "GOL Gauntlet." It broke down with Burns and Vale one week, then Ontario and Burns the next week, then Vale and Ontario the third week. With the rest of the league -- Baker included -- struggling to keep pace with the league's Big Three, this trio of games was the defining moment of the season for all three teams, and a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

This year, there is a similar challenge in the Cowapa, but it is more of a guillotine for at least one state playoff hopeful.

While No. 3 Astoria travels to No. 4 Scappoose -- with the winner gaining the inside track to the league title -- No. 6 Yamhill-Carlton and unranked Seaside both will be playing for their playoff lives. Too early to say that about YC? Not yet, because the Tigers have to win this game to basically assure themselves a spot in the postseason (and eliminate Seaside), with dates against Astoria and Scappoose looming. If Seaside can find a way to beat the Tigers, the Seagulls will have run the "guillotine" with a 1-2 record, and should close with easy wins over Tillamook and Banks. Scappoose will get the week to "recharge" by hosting Banks next week in preparation of their season finale at Yamhill, while Astoria already had its version of a bye week last Thursday.

I'm not sure if the Cowapa is worthy of having three teams in the top six in the state rankings, but within the league, things are looking more competitive at the top for the first time in a long time.

6. 4A bracketology

Speaking of playoff positioning, there could potentially be a very exciting round of quarterfinal games if all goes as I expect (which normally never happens anyway). Here's what I can realistically see happening through November:

The quarterfinal match-ups I like are:

UPPER BRACKET: Sisters (Sky-Em 1) vs. Newport (Val-Co 1) and La Grande (GOL 1) vs. Scappoose (Cowapa 1).

LOWER BRACKET: Astoria (Cowapa 2) vs. Marist (Sky-Em 2), and Siuslaw (Far West 1) vs. Molalla (Capital 1).

I like these pairings based on what's happened so far and how I see the GOL playing out (see below for GOL preview). Of those games, I expect to see Sisters and Scappoose in the upper bracket semifinal, and Astoria and Siuslaw in the lower bracket semifinal. But don't ask me to pick the finalists, because every time I do I'm accused of being a homer, :-)

(Playoff note: for the first time in a while, especially with the reduced 20-team bracket, I don't see any No. 3 seed advancing past the second round. There are only five No. 3s in the bracket, and the best chance would be in the upper half, where the Far West and Capital 3s play to take on the Val-Co winner.)

5. Eliot Vinzant update

OK, I promise, this is the last time I'll focus on just one former Oregon prepster making good at the college level. But what the 2001 Class 3A Offensive Player of the Year did last week in Ellensburg, Wash., is certainly of note.

Vinzant carried for 132 yards in a 28-21 loss to Central Washington University, but became the first running back in Western Oregon University history to have two 1,000 yards seasons in his career. Saturday's effort put him exactly at 1,000 yards for the season, tying him for the sixth-best single season effort in WOU history with current Sherwood head coach Greg Lawrence. Vinzant also has the fourth-best single-season effort with his 1,073 yards last year. He's eighth on the all-time rushing list, but could move up at least one spot this week when the Wolves take on Souther Oregon for the second time this season.

4. GOL Preview

The fastest preview in the west, even if it is a league in western Idaho, :-)

La Grande, even with getting trampled by tiny Connell, Wash., is the class of this league in my mind. Excellent coaching staff, a good group of returners from 2005's quarterfinal team, and a real chip on their shoulder to prove themselves to their neighbors in Oregon.

Second, I'll go with Baker over Ontario if for no other reason than from a pure experience standpoint. I like the Bulldogs, who may have the best overall football player in the league playing quarterback for them. That Nov. 3 game in Baker City should be a good one, and I'm thinking it's going to be one of those where the team who has the ball first wins it.

Third, Ontario, but again dependent on that game at Baker. Should be close, but not playoffs for the cardinal and corn this year.

Fourth, Mac-Hi. Do I really need to explain this one? I mean, football is of such low importance in Milton-Freewater, they haven't even bothered to fill the schedule for the past two years. Hopefully a change at the top of the coaching staff will also inject a change in confidence for the Pioneers, but it's not gonna happen this year.

3. Out-of-state updates

For those of you who are curious, a little tidbit concerning some of the out-of-state competition faced by Oregon 4A schools this season:

Kennedy (Burien) Wash., which pummeled Marist in Week 7, continues to rack up the wins, rolling to a 7-0 record and a No. 3 ranking in the Seattle Times Class 3A poll.

Connell, Wash., which did a similar beatdown on La Grande last week, also ran its record to 7-0. I don't know much about Connell, but they're small enough that maybe the La Grande folks can finally relate to Baker's close games with DeSales.

Fruitland, Idaho, which faced both La Grande and Ontario, is 6-1 on the season with its only loss coming to the Blue Tigers. They currently lead the Class 3A Snake River Valley Conference by a half game over neighbor and rival Weiser, Idaho, which is 5-3 on the year, lost to Fruitland 31-28 and has posted three consecutive shutouts.

Lowry, Nev., which Ontario beat in its season opener, is 1-6 on the season and has been outscored 288 to 106.

Del Norte, Calif., which lost its season opener to Brookings 14-7, has won five straight, including a game over Hidden Valley, and is undefeated in Humboldt-Del Norte Big 5 League play.

Yreka, Calif., which lost to Astoria at Autzen Stadium, is 3-4 on the year and Sutter, Calif., which beat Central as part of that same Autzen doubleheader, is 5-2 overall.

2. Brawls revisited

After watching replays of the brawl between players from the University of Miami and Florida International -- and hearing the comments of former 'Cane-turned-TV-analyst Lamar Thomas, I was surprised someone hadn't turned his microphone off. The brawl was bad enough. But to hear his "thug life" comments as a backdrop only led to the belief that the entire on-field charade was being condoned by those in the press box.

Thomas' punishment -- the Comcast affiliate he was employed with fired him -- was suitable, but the minimum one-game suspensions for ANY of the players involved were a joke. Just another example of how the athlete is preferred over Joe Q. Public.  If you walked into a crowd and incited a riot in your town, would you find yourself facing a one-day punishment?  Probably not.

But, while I was disappointed with the aftermath of that brawl, seeing those sites -- be they on the football field, baseball diamond or even the hockey rink -- always take me back to my senior year of high school and a baseball game that will live forever in my memory.

After a disappointing start to our league season, our baseball team at Glide was struggling mightily to cling to our state playoff hopes. Our class had had a disappointing finish to our football careers, basketball was frankly a joke, and many of us looked at baseball as one last chance to flourish.

During my time there, we developed a rather bloody rivalry with Marist of Eugene. There were always the "redneck" taunts when we'd show up at the private school campus. There was heckling during pregame warm-ups, during the games (one player once told our head basketball coach to shut the F-- up and sit down), there were cheap shots -- by both sides -- after games. I don't know what it was, whether it was just a genuine dislike between that particular group of kids from both schools or a superiority complex which us "backwoods hillbillies" took offense to.

Whatever it was, it came to a head on a sunny April afternoon on our high school baseball field.

Because of bad weather, we had the fortune of enjoying a week full of home baseball games, complete with a public address system my father and another kid's dad had rigged up to our scoreboard. Pregame warm-up music (Thunderstruck by AC/DC, of course), music between innings, starting lineups announced, the national anthem ... it felt like a real baseball game in a real arena.

It was early in the Sky-Em League season, and those Marist Spartans were in our house for a key contest. Marist, Sutherlin and Glide had been projected by the coaches as the three teams to battle for two playoff spots.

In the first inning, our staring catcher got ill and had to be removed from the game. So our senior back-up, and a good friend of mine, stepped in after having seen limited action all year. But, he was part of our basketball team who suffered many a putdown at the hands of the Spartans.

Midway through the fifth inning, Marist began to mount a rally in a scoreless game, when a bloop single to left brought in the Spartans' first run. But, when the runner crossed home plate, he put a shoulder into our catcher, who was a couple of steps in front of the plate. The catcher -- who sometimes could be a bit of a hothead -- asked the opposing player, "What was that for?" The player, on his way back to the dugout stopped, turned and came sprinting toward our catcher, swinging away.

It was on!!! I was in right field, and my two best friends in center and left, and we all made a dead sprint for home plate. The dugouts emptied. Marist's coach grabbed his player by the arms; our coach, Lennie Wolfe, grabbed our catcher around the belly, leaving his arms exposed. Players threw punches on the perimeter, two of our players ran out of the dugout yielding baseball bats. Our catcher, arms free, landed three consecutive right hands to the Marist player's chin.

And it was all caught on tape, as the local television affilliate -- KPIC of Roseburg -- had their local reporter, Ron Pivo, come to tape highlights of the game. The brawl made the air, one of our teachers taped it, and the next day the tape was snuck into a central VCR (which was hooked to some 45 television monitors in classrooms all over campus) and was replayed over and over, even a few times in super slo-mo.

We lost that game, 2-0, and missed the state playoffs by one game as Marist took the No. 1 seed and Sutherlin the No. 2 spot. That loss stuck with many of us for a couple of years, but that brawl will stay with us forever.

(Oh, and whoever decided that Ron Pivo was a Portland-market-caliber sports reporter should have all future decision-making responsibilities revoked. One viewing of KGW's Sunday sports extra show will know what I mean.)

1. Banning “tag” on playgrounds

I'm already very tired of hearing about all of these excuses why kids are no longer required to have physical education as a part of their regular education.

Come on, people. A kid skins a knee and it's the end of the world? At this rate, high school sports -- with the possible exceptions of swimming and golf -- are going to disappear across this country because Little Johnny might get a boo-boo.

But wait, we're not all millionaires because we haven't bought into today's litigous society of suing someone every time they get hurt. I can guarantee you that if I'd broken my arm after falling off the jungle gym, my folks wouldn't have looked for the nearest lawyer. Their response: "I guess you won't try that again, will you?" It might sound cruel, but you know, there is something to be said for natural selection.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I've about had it with the "kinder, gentler" approach. I'm scared to death to see what this country looks like in 20 years with the children of these "new parents" taking control.

You want to ban "Tag," how about that annoying damned body spray for men. "No male shall wear body perfume ... Men of the square table, Man Law?"